She’ll find adventure and maybe treasure too~
reverse hades/persephone, where the young daughter of summer uses plant magic to ensnare the lord of darkness and keep him prisoner in a beautiful garden above ground. Eventually, enchanted by her cleverness and wild youth he agrees to eat six pomegranate seeds and stay with her for half of every year.
# ID READ THE FUCK OUT OF THAT # HE TRIES BEING ALL IMPOSINGLY MIGHTY AND WRATHFUL WHILE PERSPHONE JUST GOES ON WATERING THE FLOWERS OUTSIDE HIS CAGE # HE PETITIONS TO AT LEAST GET SOME DEATHBELL AND NIGHTSHADE AND ASPHODEL GROWING IN THERE BUT IT’S ALL LOTUSES AND SUNFLOWERS AND APPLES # AND LIKE CORN EVERYWHERE HE FUCKING HATES CORN # THEY COMPROMISE ON POMEGRANATES (x)
It’d be even funnier if the other gods show up all “Persephone, hey, you got the lord of death in there so no one’s dying anymore and the world is getting too full—” “Not my problem”
AU where Demeter and Persephone make a deal and this is how it goes in the comic instead.
#i could write dialogue for this au ALL DAY lmfaoooo (mortalitasi)
And this is what happens when a masterfully crafted katana collides with a masterfully crafted longsword.
Suck it, katana
And that is what happens when a masterfully crafted scalpel collides with a masterfully crafted guillotine.
Does nobody understand that longswords and katanas are two different kinds of tool?Longswords are essentially sharpened fucksticks designed to destroy the shit out of anything resembling armor that comes their way. They shatter bone, jelly flesh, and essentially fuck people up by sheer inexorable force of being a goddamn sharp steel bar.
Katanas don’t do that.They’re not meant to withstand collision with armor or a brick wall or a charging fully outfitted warhorsebecause the circumstances of its development didn’t call for that. It’s a precision instrument. It’s designed to be lightweight, outmaneuver, and find weak spots, not go barreling into people hack-n-slashing your way to victory. It’s a specialized tool.
In a sense this reflects a core difference between cultures; katanas are a shitton of work and preparation to make the execution as efficient and streamlined as possible, while longswords are more durably and simply made in response to a climate that would require a soldier to be a one-man battering ram in battle.
You slam any blade into any other blade and one of them is at least going to get chipped, because you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DO THAT.
Medieval European / Japanese sword-fighting manuals didn’t have “Now Clang the Swords Together and Totally Ruin Them For No Good Reason Whatsoever” sections. That sword-clanging crap is from movies because you want to show a 2 minute dancey sword-fight and have to do something during that time, because in real sword fights it’s either over in 25 seconds with one guy on the ground, dead, or it goes on for 4 hours as two guys in armor wear themselves out, slamming the broad sides of the sword against the armor.
Swords aren’t lightsabers.
This is like proving a Volkswagen Beetle is a “crap car” by running it into a bridge pylon at 85 mph. It’s a pointless demonstration, because you’re not supposed to do that.
Neither one of these weapons was invented to cut another sword in half, Both were invented to cut a GUY in half. In slightly different ways, but still.
Usually I put my rants in tags but DO YOU MEAN I SPENT MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD AND UP TO BEING SIXTEEN MESSING AROUND WITH A FAKE SWORD AND WITH STICKS WITH MY DOUCHEBAG FRIENDS FOR NOTHING! I WAS GONNA BE BOSS IF I EVER HAD TO ACTUALLY SWORD FIGHT AND NOW I FIND OUT ITS JUST A GLORIFIED KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!! FUCK THIS SHIT, IM OUTIE
karesh said: John trying to hit jade with a rolled up newspaper but Jade keeps using her space powers to trick him into smacking Karkat in the back of the head.
"Should we return to base, let them know we are living?"
"Nyet, we will have second honeymoon and then return for our funeral for the looks on their faces."
OK BUT THEY WOULD. And they’d just stand in the back and glower, and everyone would turn white and think they’re seeing ghosts and not talk about it because they’re going to pee themselves in fear.
#and then the fuckers would laugh #and half the crowd will pee themselves #and sasha will pick up mako and cuddle her #and aleksis will pick up her and mako and raleigh and fuck yeah herc too why not #and all is well in the end #cuddles for everyone (via archadianskies)
Jen Titus - O Death
This was mostly a HAND practice for me! Some references were used.
packages from whatpumpkin are labeled as being from PM
i am proud to have my mail carried by such a distinguished mailperson
a sphinx girl who’s absolute balls at riddles but fucking loves terrible puns
a traveler is blocked by a sphinx suddenly while going along a path. “what do bees brush their hair with?” she asks, and he’s FREAKING OUT, he’s going to get fucking eaten, didn’t the sphinx DIE, oh god what was the riddle, he knows this one oh shit he knows this one what was it, oh fuck, what the fuck
the sphinx narrows her eyes and bares her teeth a little. oh shit, the traveler thinks, oh shit he’s fucking dead.
the sphinx grins like a goddamn doofus and struggles to hold back laughter as she answers “a honeycomb”
I HAVE FOUND MY HOME